


this shit sux

by wednesdayblues



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Song fic, binsung, changbin cries a lot, he needs a big hug, it's a good song, jisung doesn't deserve any hugs, this is just a bunch of sad and no happy im sorry, this shit sux by marteen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 06:31:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17340338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wednesdayblues/pseuds/wednesdayblues
Summary: changbin decides he needs to end it with jisungsong fic based on this shit sux by marteen





	this shit sux

**Author's Note:**

> i really really really love this song and ik a binsung break up is sad but we all love a bit of angst sometimes
> 
> sorry if there is mistakes. i did proofread but i was kind of really tired but it should be okay

 

_i guess that he meant more than me_

Changbin stared emotionless across the table, his heart numb as he uttered the words, "I think we should break up." Changbin knew this day was coming. He had caught Jisung cheating on him only a few weeks ago. He had seen them just outside the apartment block that Jisung and him both lived in. He was grateful that him and Jisung had decided to keep their separate flats instead of move in together as it meant the break up process would be lot smoother.

Changbin remembered how he'd felt that day, when he saw the two boys shamelessly kissing. Jisung had looked so happy, and Changbin knew from the the way that Jisung looked at the other boy that their break up was just around the corner. He had cried for three days straight, lying that he had left town for the weekend so Jisung didn't visit him. Changbin spent endless hours wondering what was wrong with him for Jisung to feel the need to find someone better. Changbin had waited 3 weeks to say the fateful words, 3 painful weeks. It had been so long that Changbin almost doubted the day would ever come were he would have enough confidence to break it off. But the distance between him and Jisung had increased more in the recent weeks. Jisung had clearly made his choice, and it wasn't Changbin.

_i know we had our off days_

"I mean, I guess we do argue a lot more nowadays, and I do feel like you've become too distant and we have had more bad days then good." Jisung said, taking a sip of his drink after he finished speaking. Changbin was reminded of their argument two days ago. It was heated and probably what caused Changbin to finally dump Jisung. Changbin had been on edge the whole day, overly sensitive as Jisung had been texting someone on his phone, constantly smiling as he typed. Changbin hated how obvious he was being.

"Jisung?" Changbin had asked, leaning forward so that he could see the phone screen. Jisung shut off the phone almost instantly, turning to Changbin with a warm smile. It made Changbin feel sick. "What's wrong, Binnie?" Changbin sighed, sitting up straight. "You don't give me attention anymore." Jisung frowned. "Yes, I do. I am right now." Changbin rolled his eyes, relaxing onto the sofa with another sigh. "Yeah, but you only give me attention if I ask for it."

"Changbin, that's not even true. I try to give you attention and you just shove me off. A relationship is two sided, you can't not give me attention and expect me not to do the same." Changbin could feel the frustration beginning to bubble away inside of him. "That's bullshit. I always hug you and kiss you and tell you how much I appreciate you, and you just say you're too busy to do anything with me. It's been weeks since we've been on a date." Jisung stood up, the anger clear in his face. "Just because I actually go to university and have to study. We're not all dropouts with loads of time on our hands."

That stung. Changbin hadn't expected Jisung to sink so low. His boyfriend seemed to realise what he said, suddenly backtracking, taking back his words. But Changbin didn't care. Jisung knew he had only dropped out because he couldn't afford to both live and get higher education. He'd struggled with two jobs as well as trying to create a name for himself in the music industry. "Oh, fuck you, Han Jisung." Changbin said, shoving past his boyfriend and heading for the door. "Changbin, dont be childish. Let's talk about this." Jisung said, grabbing into his wrist. Changbin yanked his arm out of Jisung's grip. "Maybe learn how to fucking respect me first." He spat. Jisung scoffed, rolling his eyes. "What is that even supposed to mean? I do respect you. You're my boyfriend." Changbin just laughed bitterly, the word 'boyfriend' a harsh reminder that he was being cheated on. He stormed out of Jisung's apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

They hadn't talked for two days, and then they were suddenly sat in a coffee shop, Changbin explaining the reasons why they were breaking up, with Jisung just agreeing without any argument. Changbin hated that their relationship had turned so sour.

_i thought that we were always_

"You say that like all we ever did was fight." Changbin said. Jisung just shrugged, "Well, that's all I remember us doing." That hurt. Changbin hated that all Jisung could remember was the bad times. It has been so good. Changbin had been so in love. He still was. "Remember how happy we were? We used to go on walks together, or spend nights cuddling up to watch a shitty movie. Everything we did was so normal, but it felt amazing because we were together. Do you not remember that?" Changbin asked. Jisung smiled sadly, nodding slightly. "Yeah and we used to have mini rap battles and mario kart competitions all the time. We spent full weeks at each others flats sometimes." Changbin could feel a sudden rush of emotions. He missed how good it was. He loved Jisung more than anything in the world, and could even see them having a future together. He willed himself not to cry as he inhaled a deep breath. "Things have changed, Jisung. We're not like how we used to be." Changbin said with a small sigh. Jisung couldn't do anything but nod in agreement as it was undeniably was true. Changbin hadn't felt happy around Jisung in ages. He spent his days feeling worthless and betrayed.

_remember you would say it was gonna change_

"I remember a while ago, you promised we'd get through it." Changbin whispered as it suddenly became harder and harder to hold back his tears. They'd talked before about how things were going south. Jisung had come back from a lecture one day to find Changbin curled up in his bed, sobbing loudly. That had been before Changbin had known Jisung was cheating. Jisung had held him tightly, covering him in light kisses, and promising they would get through the strange slump they were experiencing. Changbin had believed him. He'd spent that night with Jisung believing things would begin to look up again, only to discover Jisung with someone else a week later. To know that Jisung had so shamelessly lied to him, had made him feel so loved despite not loving him at all. Changbin felt awful and found himself questioning whether Jisung had ever loved him. Changbin was broken out of the memory by Jisung's voice. "I- I thought we would get through it." The guilt was beginning to seep through his words, and all Changbin could say was "You liar." It was barely audible, but Jisung visably flinched at the words, nervously laughing. "I'm not a liar. I just thought it would get better and it didn't." Changbin didn't comment and a silence fell upon them.

_but it's hard to fake_

After a few more moments of painful silence, Changbin finally asked the question lingering on his mind, realising Jisung was willing to let them breakup with his second relationship still being kept a secret. "When were you planning on telling me?" He spoke bluntly and Jisung quickly went pale, his hands shaking slightly. "Telling you what?" Changbin glared at Jisung, watching as he squirmed in his seat. "How long?" Jisung opened his mouth but no words came out. Changbin raised his eyebrows and Jisung seemed to give up on faking ignorance. "It wasn't meant to last. It was just a one night stand at first."

Changbin scoffed. "That wasn't what I asked." Jisung looked down at his plate, eyes wide with guilt. "Four months." Changbin couldn't help small laugh that came out his mouth. He'd expected two months at most. But for four months, whilst he'd still been deeply in love with Jisung, treating him like a Prince, Jisung had been faking it to his face. "I didn't realise you were such a good actor." Changbin said, the anger clear in his voice.

Jisung looked up with desperate eyes. "I swear, I still loved you. But, at some point I ended up falling for Hyunjin instead and you were becoming distant anyway, so I figured maybe you were cheating too." Changbin sat speechless for a moment. "I would never betray you like that. I became distant because I could tell you were falling out of love with me and it fucking hurt to not know why."

_everything that we did was a first for me_

Jisung didn't respond. Changbin stood up from his seat. "I guess we're done here then." He said, but Jisung stood up too. He grabbed his hand. "Changbin, we can't leave it like this." Changbin pulled his hand away, not caring that every one in the small cafe was watching them. "Jisung, I fucking loved you. I still do. I trusted you with everything, especially my heart and you fucking broke it. You're the first person that I've ever truly loved but you didn't love me back." He spun around, walking out of the coffee shop, but Jisung ran after him.

They stood with a distance between them. "Changbin. I swear, I did love you. You were my first kiss, my first time, and the first person I fell in love with." Jisung shouted, his voice sounding desperate.

"But none of that fucking matters, Jisung. You don't love me anymore. Fine. That's okay. I'll get over it eventually. Our relationship is over. Move on."

_didn't think you could end up hurtin' me_

Jisung ran forward, decreasing the distance between them. "Changbin, I'm so sorry." Changbin stared at the boy in front of him. He looked so innocent, so sweet. Changbin would never have imagined that Jisung would be the type to cheat on him. He had been so loving at first. He'd showered Changbin in love and made him feel so special. They'd been together 7 months before Jisung decided to cheat. Changbin thought about how it was meant to the their one year anniversary the next month. "Just leave it, Jisung. I've ended it now. Just go be happy with Hyunjin." Changbin walked off. Jisung didn't follow him.

Changbin's cheeks were damp with tears, the wind harshly hitting his face as he walked home. He'd been expecting Jisung to at least put up more of a fight. He'd already hurt him enough, but seeing Jisung appear almost grateful for the breakup made Changbin hurt so much more. He wanted Jisung so bad and even the thought of him still made his heart flutter and he hated it. Jisung didn't love him. Jisung had lied to him for four months straight. But he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if they stayed together.

_didn't think that I would have uncertainties_

Changbin got home, hating himself for even considering the possibility of getting back with Jisung. He kicked off his shoes and jumped straight into bed, curling up under the covers. Even if Jisung finished whatever thing he had going on with Hyunjin and got back together with Changbin, the relationship would never work. Changbin would never trust Jisung again. He had gotten into their relationship thinking he would never have to spend hours questioning whether Jisung was cheating on him. He'd trusted Jisung more than anything. Changbin released a loud sob. His whole body ached, his heart in particularly in agony. He realised how much he love Jisung. He remembered how in love they both were at the beginning of their relationship. It hurt to realise that he would never get that back.

He could hear the rain as it began to hit the window, at first lightly and then more aggressively. Changbin came out from under his covers, instead choosing to stare out of his window. The bad weather only further darkened Changbin's mood. His mind was clouded with his negative thoughts. He hated Jisung for how much he'd lied to him, but yet at the same time he still loved him so much, his heart still longing for Jisung.

_or have to make the choice to stay or leave_

Changbin sighed, closing his eyes to try and get some sleep. However, his attempt was soon disrupted by his doorbell ringing. Changbin sat up, confused as to who would be visiting him. Nevertheless, he got out of bed and walked over to his door. He swung it open to come face to face with Jisung, who had clearly been crying. Changbin felt no sympathy. "Can we talk?" Jisung asked, his voice small. Changbin willed himself to say no, but ended up nodding anyway, stepping to the side to let Jisung into his home. They sat together on Changbin's sofa and Jisung wasted no time in talking. "Okay, so. I've dumped Hyunjin. Well, not even dumped. We weren't together-"

"You were seeing him for four months, you were basically dating." Changbin interrupted, already not liking where Jisung was heading. Jisung nodded before continuing. "Okay, but the point is I'm done with him. Breaking up with him was easy, but when you were breaking up with me... That was so hard. I hate that I just excepted it. I love you Changbin, and I will fight for your love again if I have to." Changbin held back his laughter. He was in shock that such an absurd thing was happening. Jisung kept talking though, "And I know it won't be easy. But I want to make it up to you. I will work for years to make you forgive me. I will do anything, just for us to work out. I'm so sorry I even fucked it all up." Changbin rolled his eyes, pointing towards the door as he spoke. "Jisung just get out. Its over. I will never, ever trust you ever again and that's that."

"You haven't even considered it. Please. I'm begging you to take me back."

Changbin laughed, the sound empty and hollow. He found it insane that Jisung really was acting like it was a choice for him to make. But Changbin knew that Jisung himself had made the choice already when he decided to cheat.

_this shit sucks, cause i wanna make it work_

"Jisung, just leave." And he eventually did, leaving Changbin behind to try and fix his broken heart. He had almost wanted to take Jisung back, because he truly couldn't imagine ever loving anyone else. If Changbin could go back in time and make himself good enough for Jisung, he would. Changbin climbed back into his bed, the tears already streaming down his face as he did so. He squeezed his eyes shut, the pain and realisation that it was completely over taking over his whole body. Changbin wished that he could wake up to discover that it had all been a prolonged, terrible nightmare but when he opened his eyes, he was still in his small bedroom, alone and heartbroken.

He began to regret ending it with Jisung, the pain in his heart becoming so strong that it was incomparable to any pain he'd ever felt before. Changbin cried constantly for the next three hours before his sobs finally dissolved into small sniffles. He lay still for a long while before forcing himself out of bed and into his kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water, taking a large sip before putting it down on the counter. His head ached from crying, his eyes exhausted.

_but it can't be love, 'cause if it was, you'd put me first_

But despite how drained he felt from all the tears, Changbin felt himself fall into a temporary state of peace. He loved Jisung. He still would for a while longer. But Jisung didn't love him. He hadn't for four months now. And Changbin knew that finally breaking up with Jisung was a good thing. He'd been lied to for months and months and breaking up with Jisung had caused him to finally admit he was cheating. It was the first bit of honesty he'd been presented with in such a long time.

It hurt to know that Jisung had chosen the other guy. Even if he'd come running, begging to be taken back, Changbin knew that ultimately, Jisung's first choice wasn't Changbin. If he'd truly loved Changbin, he would never have cheated on him. He loved Hyunjin and as much as that hurt for Changbin to accept, it somehow put his heart to rest. He'd escaped a toxic relationship, full of lies and hurt. He'd finally escaped the feeling of constantly wondering whether the person he loved so dearly actually loved him back. He didn't.

Changbin took another sip of water before heading back to his bed, feeling calmer and more free than before.

_and i'll be fine all on my own but this shit sucks_

Changbin lay down on his bed. He knew it would take a while to fix the damage Jisung had caused, but he knew it was possible. As much as it would hurt to force himself to let go of his love for Jisung, he would be okay in the end. If anything, Changbin couldn't wait until he finally got over Jisung as he knew the pain wouldn't get any easier anytime time soon. He was determined to be okay again, to fix his broken heart and to get over the monster that had damaged it in the first place. Changbin sighed, closing his eyes as the fatigue began to take over his body. The pain he felt sucked but he knew he would eventually be okay.

He just wanted be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> ha sorry for making jisung a dick and making changbin really sad


End file.
